Archive for the ‘The Wolfman’ Category

Brinkhater Diaries: Miller High Life

July 30, 2008

Brinkhater Diaries Vol 1 (7)

“Dear Diary:

This has been the most amazing week of my life!

For the past week, I have sat at the site meter of the WSU Football Blog and watched the numbers light up like a slot machine.

One hundred, two hundred, five hundred, one-thousand, two-thousand hits a day! And from all over the world!

I mean, Diary, can you really believe it?

My evil plan is working! World Domination is clearly in sight!”

— Diary Entry June 23, 2008

Ah, but just a few days later, as Obi Wan doth noted when the Death Star obliterated the planet Alderon…

“There was suddenly silence…..”

You know, when we first started this blog (my uncle Sedihawk and me) we did so for two REALLY important reasons.

The first really important reason? Sedihawk thought that a blog would be the perfect platform for writing about the Cougs all day without having the correspondence be traceable over our respective company e-mails.

And he was right!!!!

But the second reason was mutually understood, yet at times painfully unspoken:

BOTH Sedihawk and I desperately wanted to be Ted Miller.

For Sedihawk, the reason was (and is) totally altruistic: Hawk wanted to cover the Pac-10 with the precision, insight, and poise that Miller routinely exhibited then in his column at the PI as he does now writing 6 newspaper articles a day at

As for me, well, my visions of being Miller-like were much more juvenile (surprised anyone?).

After all, I didn’t want to be like Ted for the writing.

Hell, I can’t write to save my fricking life!

Instead, I wanted to be like Ted so I could be cool!!!!

How cool, you ask?

Well, cool enough that I could spend last week singing “That’s Amore” at some fancy restaurant on someone else’s dime like Miller did with all of those other good sportswriters, coaches, and players the night before Pac-10 Media Day!

Mind you, that wish (and urge) was not directed toward an infatuation with college age students like Jake the Snake.

Heck, that’s Cougfan’s role in the world.

Instead, I wanted to hang out and partake in those shin digs so I could get trashed with the likes of Thiel,Miller, the Go 2 Guy, Groz, Gas, and dare I say Benedict Condotta. I mean, we could toss a few back, play a little “Stump the Schwab” type game

complain about sore backs, trick knees, nagging spouses…

And of course, make a LOT of fun of the Huskies!

(and THAT would mean making a lot of fun of Condotta).

At any rate, it really became all too apparent that the ONLY reason for our rush of “hits” last week was because our man, Ted Miller, threw us a few national-size bones and the pack came and went.

Oh, the scourge!

You know, Warhol said that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame.

But do any of you know what it feels like to get 8 minutes of intense infamy and then get left out naked in the 110 degree cold of Northern California?

I mean, “Damn you, Ted Miller!” How could you leave me like this?

Shoot, it was JUST two measly weeks ago we were on your short list, and now, you don’t bring us flowers anymore?!

But rather than revile you, I thought I’d take a quick look down memory lane to let everyone in the world know HOW MUCH WE WANT TO BE YOU!!!! (And truly this is no joke!)

So, here’s a pic of when Ted when he came into my life:

This is what I call “Cool Hand Luke Ted.”

There’s no dancing or messing around with this Ted: We’re talking about a pure North-South glare AND hairstyle. Although a bit cropped, this is the true-blue “blow dry and brush straight back” job with the do.

Solid, solid reporting during this period about the Huskies. It made me a bit uptight. But man I wanted to be you, Ted….Man, I wanted to be you!

Phase Two of Ted is the “Jet Set Ted.” This Ted is more of the sports coat, no tie Ted.

I also really liked this Ted:

As you can see from the mug shot, this Ted is a little more cunning as exhibited by a bit of an east-west look to the hair. You can also see that Ted’s face is a bit more rotund at this particular phase.

I’m betting that this is about the time that Ted got his first raise and finished his first year with Mrs. Ted.

Still great sportswriting here as Ted expanded his role outside of pure sports reporting to some columns about other sports as well.

“I love you, man!”

Phase Three Ted is a much more relaxed, “coming into his own Ted.” This is a good Ted, although much more reclusive. This shot depicts much more of the rugged outdoor type version of Ted hallmarked by a switch from east-west to a west-east hairpart. Solemn, masculine, with a bit of mystery, don’t you say?

Needless to say, this is also a classic, if not Vintage, Ted.

Man, is he great or what?!

Finally, we have the au currant version of Tedliness:

At first, I thought maybe that this was a bit of a metro-sexual version of Ted—aka “The Rick Bucher Ted.”

But, really this is just the “Kind, sensitive, gone-Yoga-on-me, cuz I live now in Arizona and I’m the BEST FRICKING PAC-10 WRITER EVER!!!!! Ted”

This Ted is less elusive in his looks, although he did stay with the West-East look on the hairpart. But what’s really striking is the nice tan, and the bit of the strawberry blonde thing. Very nice.

I also like girl-tease like he’s not wearing a shirt when the photo was taken.

“Very Nice!”

In any case, I’ll look forward to having you here on this Blog when we get seventh or better, Mr. Miller.

In the meantime, whether you like us or not, we’ll always be fans, and it will always be “Miller Time” round these here parts….

Switching from High Life to Low Life, how about the News this Week that Clay Bennett and his boys have closed in on a new name for our dearly departed SuperSonics. And WOW! was I surprised at the genius of what they came up with:


As you all know, I was somewhat aghast at the previous moniker “The Barons” since I really couldn’t understand why Bennett would want to name a team after current NBA All-Star, Baron Davis.

But, “The Thunder” was perfect. They must be naming the team after CHOCOLATE THUNDER–my main man, Daryl Dawkins!

Yet when reading the story there were no words about Dawkins’ history of ripping rims off of backboards, shattering glass, making Mike Gminski cry after calling him a “sissy” in practice. Nothing.

Instead, I was left to realize that those stupid, retarded, rich bastards are actually on the brink of giving an NBA franchise the name of a really, really bad and badly named U-10 soccer team.

I mean, sit at your desk and mouth to yourself as loud as you can “Go Thunder!”

How cool do you feel?

Next try saying with a bit of force, “Thunder rock!” Or “Lets Go, Thunder.” Or “We love Thunder!”

Horrible. Horrible. Horrible!.

But as if that name isn’t bad enough, and as if the NBA doesn’t stink enough as is, consider opposing city’s chants regarding their other lead possibility: “The Wind.”

Can you see the Headlines “Blazers Blow Out the Wind.” Or even worse, “Spurs Break Wind….”

Finally, the Best Person in the World award this week goes out to our own Coach Paul.

As many of you know, Coach Paul declared that while Rogers has the lead at QB at the moment, Lopina is right there and going to see action.

For those of you worried about a QB controversy, don’t fret a bit. Rogers is going to have a nice long leash.

BUT, Coach Paul’s statement does indicate that the days of seniors and nice guys getting “their due” is over. Instead, you can see that the re-culturing of our program is really taking hold and that better days are already upon us.

Hard to believe, but the season begins next week.