Archive for the ‘ShamWow guy’ Category

Hey, it’s Colin with Sham-Wow?

July 23, 2009

Good morning to you all, great Coug Nation. Hope the week is winding down on a positive note for you? At least it is now very positive for LeAndre Daniels and Tyree Toomer. We remember the story with Daniels and Toomer, where they were spotted walking off with a couple of bikes that didn’t exactly belong to them? Something else with a hacksaw may or may not have been involved? Well, turns out that NO CHARGES are to be filed! Once again, the liberal, left-wing media makes something out of nothing….but all in all, great news. Especially if they are innocent, as some have suggested that this thing could have been a misunderstanding from the beginning. Seems like there is always more to the story than what initially makes headlines, and that’s clearly the case here. Wulff hinted that this might be the outcome. Remember this interview Wulff gave in June, after the uniform unveiling (fade to black….)?

Q. I have to address the Tyree Toomer and LeAndre Daniels situation. They’ve been suspended from team activities. What else, if anything, can you tell us about their situation?

A. First of all, it’s a mistake, and a poor choice by a couple young guys that have never been in trouble prior to Washington State or in their first year. Both have been done very well academically as well. I think when it’s all said and done, there’s a question mark on whether the charges will even be filed. There are some issues there behind the scenes that look favorable for the players.

Q. Have you spoken with them, and if so, what was your message?

A. Oh, yeah. I had a message. But we don’t need to talk about that one here. But, bottom line is they’re very remorseful and we’ll deal with that, and the bottom line is they need to make sure they learn from those mistakes.

Q. Do you expect them to rejoin the team, and if so, when?

A. Yes we do, and hopefully soon.

I’m sure Chris Ball and Jody Sears are happy to hear two of the members of the secondary are now free and clear, and ready to hit the field next month!

Moving on, so have you seen the new SportsNation show on ESPN?

ESPN Radio’s own Colin Cowherd, a former northwest native and complete UW lover has teamed with the super-cutie-pie Michelle Beadle to bring a new show format to the worldwide leader in sports.

Note – while I have been sweet on Michelle, as she seems ultra-cool, funny, and quite a little ball of fire, well, with the Erin Andrews stuff lately, I just don’t feel it. The Times’ Jerry Brewer has kind of brought me down a bit, and most of you might feel the same way….but wait, there’s more…

Michelle is good at what she does, she looks good doing it, and that’s all I have to say about that….anyway, I have caught the show a few times over the last couple of weeks, and I have to admit it’s a pretty good take on all things sports/pop culture. Very fast moving and hip, filled with polls, twitter comments and reactions, youtube videos and such, all while debating the hottest topics of right now. You know, sort of like a blog, only on TV? What’s funny is that Colin Cowherd HATES BLOGS with a passion and doesn’t hide any of those feelings on his four-hour radio show. Yet, here we are. Anyway, the show is TAYLOR-FRIGGIN-MADE for short attention span America! Yes, I include myself in that.

But one thing has struck me about seeing Colin out from behind the ESPN mike and in front of the camera. Is it me, or…..

Just saying.

So in honor of Colin’s new hit show, and to honor the passing of Billy Mays and Michael Jackson in a very roundabout, serious-reach-type way, we present the biggest hit going right now…yes, it’s “Jam Wow”!

I guess it’s a tribute to Billy Mays because, well, even in death, at least he’s STILL NOT VINCE with Sham-Wow. And an honor to Michael Jackson, brought to you by the biggest MJ-lover/1985 imitator, Alfonso Ribeiro! Although I’m not sure Alfonso, or is it Carlton from Fresh Prince, can move like that anymore?

Enjoy your Thursday, GO COUGS and all that other stuff.

Tuesdays With Moron – Home Opener Edition

April 14, 2009

Welcome to another Tuesdays w/Moron. We thought it would be OK to bring it back from the abyss, so, we’ll give it another run. Feel free to share (plus any story ideas are always welcome).

Ah, opening day. Not exactly opening day, that was last week. But, HOME opener, Seattle Mariners edition. Today is the day that the Junior Griffey fans have been waiting for since he was traded so many years ago. Sure, we had the welcome back Junior love-in when the Reds came here in ’07, but today is going to be much, much different. Prepare for a lot of #24 jerseys, standing ovations, and fathers pointing to their kids and telling stories about the shell of the ballplayer who used to dominate the game.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Junior. LOVED the idea to reacquire him and have been hoping for this day for many years. His whole rise in the wild 90’s, talk about a great time to be alive in Seattle. All the games we used to go to, and all those HR’s in that dingy basement of a ballpark. And that 1997 MVP season – .304, 56 HR, 147 RBI and gold-glove defense in center? As a non-steroid player in a juiced up era? That’s gotta be one of the greatest seasons in the history of the game for a center fielder.

But while the team has had an amazing opening week, sitting at 5-2 (best record in the AL??), he hasn’t done much. There was the opening day jack, and that was great! But otherwise it’s been a lot of walks, popups and groundouts, a mere 2-for-15 on the young season. He doesn’t look exactly dialed in or comfortable at the plate, and you can see the timing is just off a smidge. Maybe that happens when you reach age 39 and try to catch up to mid-90’s heat in the big leagues? But here’s hoping he can pick it up. Still awfully early to be discouraged about his slow start.

Or to be honest, it’s too early to have illusions of greatness for the ballclub. I’m giddy at the start, and the team has won some tough games, getting strong pitching and unbelievable defense (once Ichiro is back, and it’s an Endy Chavez-Franklin Gutierrez-Ichiro outfield? It may be the greatest Seattle outfield defense of all-time). Gutierrez especially, wow, that kid looks SPECIAL in center, doesn’t he? As Dave Niehaus screamed last week, this kid is “DEATH TO FLYING THINGS!”

But let’s see how they look in a month. It’s what, 1/24th of the season now in the books? A LONG marathon ahead. Every team, even the awfulest bunch of awfuls who ever awfuled, are capable of a good week here and there? But as long as they continue to get strong pitching and flash the amazing leather on defense, they could make things pretty interesting this summer.

Speaking of opening day, last week saw the rounds of all the first pitches and big-time national anthem performances. And when you have this many ceremonial first pitches, you are bound to see some awful ones, right? It’s just the sheer volume of the deal that virtually guarantees some awfulness. While I didn’t catch anything in particular, I was reminded about the unbelievable suckiness of one Carl Lewis. Yep, that Carl Lewis. Remember the gold medals and all that? That was great. But can the man throw a baseball? Uh, you decide….

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Carl, NO YOU DIDN’T! We expected more from an Olympic gold medalist!

But at least he…can…sing?

WOW. Again. Well, he at least he was really, really, REALLY FAST!

Moving on, the ShamWow guy? Really??

MMMM, Snuggie!

You’ve probably heard by now, but the ShamWow guy Vince Offer (or his real name, Vince Shlomi?)…yeah, he’s in a little hot water…like, I-beat-up-a-hooker trouble. It’s true. We will never condone violence against women around here, obviously. But wow, Vince, what a stupid move. Turns out he hired this prostitute, then failed to pay full price for services rendered. So she bit him, right in the mouth. You’d think with all that BIG ShamWow money and the way America loves celebrities that he could get some for free? Or at least a higher class lady of the evening, you know, who doesn’t bite you when you decide you aren’t going to pay for services rendered?

So THAT’s what it looks like when you get bit in the face by a hooker…..Got it.

And somewhere, this man’s heart grew three sizes the day of the ShamWow guy’s news…

TV Pitchman Billy Mays 1, TV Pitchman ShamWow Guy ZERO. The war continues.

Finally, feeling depressed? Feeling like nobody really “gets you”? Economy got you down in the dumps? Struggling with some sort of personal matter and just need a pick-me-up? Well, WE’RE ON YOUR SIDE:

All for just $24.95! HOORAY FOR YOU!