Archive for the ‘Carma Cameleon’ Category

Vince Grippi for US Senate?

July 29, 2009

Hello Followers. I trust that you are having another pleasant week—the last week in the month that precedes the hallowed start of Cougar Football!

That said, while I know that it is only July of 2009, I felt it important and timely to let you know that my channels have been strongly signaling that none other than Sir Vincent Grippi, the 2008 Washington State Sportswriter of the Year, is actively setting himself up to challenge Patty Murray, the two-term Democratic senator from the State of Washington in her re-election bid in 2010.

In case you haven’t noticed through the Cosmos or through your own secular points of communication, Grippi has been sending out numerous “feelers” to the political establishment by drastically changing his overall phraseology on his now world famous blog, Sportslink.

Apparently, Grippi’s sudden change in blogiconaclastic tone has created quite a stir for insiders operating both inside and (paradoxically) outside the beltway of Washington, DC. As David Gergen of Harvard University communicated to me recently: “One of the things we always look for at the early stages of the campaign is a switch in self-referral from the first person singular directly to the third person, a la Robert Dole.”

(Said Gergen some more)“But what is particularly interesting and fascinating about Grippi’s approach is that he appears to be trying to bridge the first and third person by referring to himself in the global collective (i.e., “we” or “us”) as a way of bringing to light all activity that could be relevant to a broad-scale, grassroots campaign. I mean, have you seen Grippi’s Twitter page recently? It’s electric!”

While Grippi’s incessant use of the words “we” and “us” to describe ostensibly singular journalistic endeavors is peculiar (for recent examples, see here, here, and here), additional signals of a budding Grippi megalomania are becoming increasingly apparent. For instance, there have been numerous reports from my sources that Grippi has been photographed and videotaped on several occasions doing shirtless sit-ups in the Spokesman’s newsroom while shouting “Who’s the T-O of this town, suckas?” to interns and other staffers who pass by.

Meanwhile, other reports have linked Grippi to the increasingly puzzling, consistent, and irritating emergence of “Kick me if you want Vince to Run for Senate in 2010” signs that are frequently attached to the backside of fellow Spokesman reporter Greg Lee.

Needless to say, Sir Vincent, even though it’s a small state and an even smaller Cougar community, “WE” at the WSU Football Blog COMPLETELY endorse your run against Murray in 2010. For all that you do, Vince, here’s four Carma Chameleons for you, our brother……..

And to the rest of the true and unbridled faithful, I bid a hearty “Coug-De-L’Amor” to all of you.

-Osho Rojo

Harry Potter and the Curse of the Forbidden Scribe

July 27, 2009

Hello Followers. I hope that you all had a fun, fanciful, and spiritual weekend.

Speaking of which, have you all seen the newest and latest Harry Potter movie?

Well, if you’re like the thousands of other followers in that Pu ram of mine, the plot twists of the current film have created much anticipation for what happens in subsequent episodes of what I call the “Hogwart Follies.”

So, in order to appease the faithful (and your many secular and unbridled needs to know what happens next in the series), I conducted a bit of me own research. And here is what I found:

According to the London Tea and Crumpet Dispatch, the final episode of the Potter series is thrilling, shocking and disturbing–all at the same time.

Apparently, following the death of Albus “Troy” Percival Dumbledore, Potter and his cosmic knaves become spiritually lost during their hunt for Voldemort’s sinister seven relics.

Amidst their loss of faith and direction, the evil Lord Voldemort tricks the group into submission, captures a drunken Potter, and then encases him alongside his well-known Slytherin nemesis, Draco Malfoy.

According to the LTCD, the evil dark lord then casts his penultimate spell on both Potter and Malfoy in a manner that combines the two young lads into one singular supervillain WARLORD that eventually rules the free and spirit worlds alike.

The visage and result of that creation:

Bob Condotta.

From being widely known and heralded as the greatest to ever come out of WSU (e.g. the journalistic “chosen one” of Washington State University), Mr. Condotta of the Seattle Times has recently shown once again that he is continuing to fall deeper and deeper into the dark side of the dreaded infidel-Defeateds.

Need evidence? Before the season even begins for the dreaded Defeateds, B.C. has shown his Voldemortean zeal in predicting that the LINE of the Apple Cup will be UW plus 11—six weeks before the season even begins.

Brother Bob, the line isn’t going to be eleven. And, while I truly love and admire you and your work in so many ways, I cannot believe how much you’ve turned (You think the UW will win by more than eleven???????). For that, only one Carma Chameleon for you, my fellow summer wanderer.

May this year find new hope and a renewed sense of Cougar Carma for you, BC.

And to the rest of the true and unbridled faithful, I bid a hearty “Coug-De-L’Amor.”

Osho Rojo

History of ME

July 22, 2009

Hello Followers. I hope that you are having a very, very pleasant week.

Well, at the behest of you, the faithful, I thought it timely to give you all a brief synopsis of the Sutra-Biography.

Contrary to common reports that you might find on the various “internets,” not to mention other cosmic channels, my claim to cosmo-spiritual fame did not start in India. Instead, it ORIGINATED from my direct, non-vicarious experience as an international exchange student at Washington State University in the early 1980’s.

While my time in Pullman was quite fruitful in many ways, it also ended painfully for me in 1981 when I made my first fateful prediction on campus radio that the Cougars would lose the 1981 Apple Cup to the impure and untrue infidels at the University of Washington.

As a result of my fateful, distasteful, but nonetheless true prediction, I was subsequently banished from WSU and my beloved Phi Delta Theta fraternity to the State of Oregon for the next five years of my life.

(Trust me followers, you have no idea the pain of having to build your Puram in Oregon–oh the shame!).

In spite of my painful removal from the University and state that I love, I did not go quietly into the Cougar wilderness. Instead, through rigorous meditation and dancing techniques (You can check my moves out here), as well as some very creative salmonella poisoning techniques, I was able to get the Apple Cup for the following year moved from Spokane to Pullman for the first time in over a decade. And as we all know, the “Revenge in Red” game was the first step for me en route to a life of stardom, fame, fortune, and prosperity.

Here is a picture of me in my commune (we call it “the Pu ram”) after we ran out the clock on those pitiful Infidels in a 24-20 thriller in 82.

In the following months, I used my soothsayer, sports meditation abilities to successfully predict the outcomes of major sporting events throughout the world. This incredible five year winning streak included winning an additional 14 million dollars by correctly predicting another Cougar upset of the infidels in the 1983 Apple Cup. As a result of this Zen-prognosticalicaliphobic genius, I purchased cars, enjoyed the spoils and pleasantries of many women, and co-produced a made for TV movie biography of my own life that starred none other than my good friend Cheech Marin in the title role of me. Can you believe the likeness?

Once I became an international superstar and hero, I found it necessary in the subsequent years to retreat into relative obscurity by faking my own death. But before I doth feigned my own demise, I changed and then patented my own name and identity to “Osho.”

In case you don’t know, there are a variety of different definitions for “Osho.” One of them refers to Oceanic Purity. The other refers to Zen Mastery. But for me, the name has always been linked to Cougar Crimson.

And within, the official name on the still disputed United States patent is NOT “Osho” as widely reported. Instead, the name that I filed to be patented with the Federal Government of the United States of America and Bermuda is none other than: OSHO ROJO….

Have you all seen Mr. Nick “Don’t Call Me Tom” Daschel’s recent top 30 Pac-10 coaches of All-Time list? Sure seems to me that Tricky Nicky has spent way too much time away from the Pu ram. Among the questionable decisions made by Daschel was the decision to rate Mike Price number 17 on the list behind the likes of good, but hardly legendary, coaches like Dick Tomey, the late Bruce Snyder, John Cooper, and Jim Owens.

At the crux of Daschel’s decision to leave Price out of the top 10 was his overall record. But, I ask you, looking back at the “glory” days: How can you keep a guy who won TWO Pac-10 championships at a school that hadn’t been to a Rose Bowl since the 1930’s; who guided his team directly to two consecutive top 10 finishes and was indirectly responsible for a third; and whose program has gone DIRECTLY into the tank since his departure out of the Top 10? Moreover, how does Belotti’s ONE conference title and a slew of “7-1 starts to 7-6 finishes” qualify him for top 10 greatness over Price? And how about Erickson at number 9 with ONE good season with the Cougs (only the Aloha Bowl, remember) and a coat-tail job of Riley’s recruits in 2000 merit his inclusion in the Top 10 of ALL TIME?

If it’s up to Osho Rojo, slide Mike Riley up to the 7th spot, Price to numero OCHO, and move the rest of the fake pedal pushers back where they belong. Nick Daschel, I love your work, brother, but for your Top 30, I give you one measly (but nonetheless powerful) Carma Chameleon…..

How about our good friend, southpaw, and fellow-old-feathery-fart Jamie Moyer?

For those of you who missed it, Moyer threw a one hitter last week at the ripe old age of 146. The key to Moyer’s success?: a dazzling repertoire of 68mph change ups, 70mph curveballs, and that killer 81mph heater of his. (Did someone say, four Carma Chameleons for Moyer? I do.)

For the OR, Moyer epitomizes everything that is great about sports, and more importantly, everything that is great about being a Cougar. As Moyer shows, at all level of sports, you can be under-talented, under-sized, and underwhelming, but still be skilled and savvy enough to be successful on any given day and any given season. Hopefully, our Cougars will show more talent, moxie, and scheme this year than in years past.

More to the point: As you all know, the hallmark of all great Cougar teams is the ability to consistently overachieve (see Bennett ball teams for exhibit C-C). That said, I encourage you all to join me in a heartfelt Gayatri Mantra that we will soon stop our troubling tendency to overachieve on the injury front at the start of training camp each year.

With that in mind, may we all have peace in body and spirit as this important fortnight cometh for the Crimson Company. Until next time, I bid you all a pleasant “Coug-De-L’Amor.”


The Goodell, The Bad, and the Ugly

July 14, 2009

Hello Followers. I hope that you are well.

Well, since my last incarnation, there have been a bunch of happenings on the WSU Cougar front.

And for me, the most important development has been Teddy Miller’s agreement to double down on our little wager from the year past (But alas, the wager doesn’t look as good for me as it did before we lost our entire defensive backfield to suspension).

That all said, those of you who have followed this blog know that in all forms and spirits, I adore Theodore Miller as a sportswriter and blogger.

And for that reason, I thought it appropriate for you to see the most recent Man Collage—we’ll call it the “Sacred Homage”–that I have made of Ted in relation to a couple of other notable male specimens of the entertainment world.

As you can see, Ted has managed through the years to develop a visage that reflects both the sassyness and allure of William Hurt without sacrificing some of the good-natured manliness of NFL Commissioner and recent Mountain Climber Roger Goodell.

Any way that you cut it, I find the above picturesque combination of style, substance, and raw leadership to be quite high in Carma. For his solid contribution to college football sportswriting–and for his immense vision in pumping up this blog, I give Ted four solid Carma Chameleons.

Excellent work, Ted. I’ll look forward to having you on this blog for a double interview around the 1st of the Year when we edge UCLA for 8th place in the Pac.

Have you seen all the stuff about Cougar hoops lately? Rochestie lights up the summer league for the Los Angeles Fakers, Klay lights up the international stage for the Gold Medal U19 team, and Motum makes a case for being the most intriguing in-coming freshman in the Pac-10 conference on the same stage. Want proof? Andy Katz recently suggested on that our very Cougars have a chance to finish third in the conference next year!

But what is even more significant than the prediction was Ken Bone’s quote in the interview that accompanied the Katz column. When asked about his thoughts about the talent left to him by his predecessor, Bone was particularly sassy. In fact, Bone went so far to say that the talent that T-Bone left him was so great that Bone felt that Tony Bennett deserved to have a place on his staff a la the Tricky Dicky years:

Yep, Bone thought so much of Bennett that he thought T-Bone’s previous accomplishments merited a spot as an ASSISTANT coach at WSU. Call it a joke, call it brashness, call it whatever you want to call it, but I call it Carma.

Welcome aboard, Kenny Bone, a whopping FIVE Carma Chameleons for you, my brother.

Finally, a fun-d-raising update for the faithful. As you all know, we have been involved in a very, very positive and loving effort to bolster the financial fortunes of our athletic department.

But currently, we are in the midst of a bit of phone tag in the “you’re it, I quit” variety.

That said, we think it is important for the faithful to have complete confidence that we will have an official link for you by the start of kick-off against Notre Dame.

With that in mind, I am quite happy to announce that I am completely confident that our entire effort can raise at least one-hundred-twenty-five-dollars-and-sixty-two cents for Martin Stadium renovation, Phase VIII.

WSU Athletic Department, I love you with all of my sincerity and believe entirely in all of your recent and authentic efforts. But, in addition to being a lover, I am also a business man with many wives, kids, and 17 Rolls Royce’s.

For that reason, only 1 Carma Chameleon for you this week, my brothers.

And to the rest of the faithful, until next time, I bid you a harty “Coug-de-L’Amor.”