Archive for the ‘Brinkhater Diaries’ Category

Brinkhater Diaries: Tickle Me Elmo

July 19, 2008

Brinkhater Diaries Vol 1 (6)

“Come on, tickle me Elmo.”

“I said, COME ON!…..TICKLE ME, Elmo!”

So, many of you have been wondering about why we have been picked to finish last in the CRAP-10 conference this year. And, this week we got a good sniff as to why.

Chief among these prognosticators is the venerable Ted Miller as well as the Times’ Bob “Benedict Arnold” Condotta. Each provided a list of rankings of Pac-10 Quarterbacks this week.

And, low and behold, our very own Gary Rogers and his posse of back-ups were rated not first, not second, not fifth, not seventh, but DEAD STINKIN last.

How could it be, Noble Sires of the Scribe?

After all, most Cougar fans, diehards, and other masters of denial such as me still spend HOURS thinking of the glory we could have experienced in the Deep South if Rogers had JUST been able to stay in the game. Remember??

And, when you watch that tape you know why it is that my two boys may need to lay off the sauce when picking stiffs like Sean Canfiled ahead of my man GR (who of course wears the same number as Brinkhater’s hero, David Krieg).

Of course, it isn’t as if Rogers’ illustrious history in Crimson and Grey ended with the Auburn game.

Many of you Cougar die-hards may also remember his SPECTACULAR 20 yard throw to Jason Hill two years ago that enabled us to escape with a thrilling 1 point victory over the happy (memo to NW fans: NO ONE in Texas is EVER hapless!) 2-9 Baylor Bears.

Yet, because of an injury weeks later against CAL, we have not really seen what Gary Rogers CAN do on the football field.

What we have seen, however, is what he has NOT been able to do.

Granted, part of Rogers’ problems last year was that the Doba-Rosey conglomerate wouldn’t put G.R on the field until there was a buck and change left in the game.

And more often then not, they wouldn’t even let him throw.

However, when they did allow G.R to pull the trigger, it wasn’t pretty.

In fact, Rogers’ performance last year was outright hideous.

So, the REAL Gary Rogers will have his chance to stand up this year. Although he is both green and unproven, he enters this season loaded at the skill positions and is fronted by Ted Miller’s No. 5 offensive line in the conference.

Therefore, when you factor in that spread offenses like Oregon, Mizzou, Kansas, and so forth have yet to have a ROCKET armed quarterback at the helm, you have to be enticed to see what a spread offense looks like with someone who can really zing the ball to the flat and throw it 125 yards down field.

So, if Rogers can make reads and not try to throw through people this year, he will finish in the top 3 in the conference in quarterback rating and touchdowns….Bank on it.

Are you still a Weaver Believer?

I am.

When I first heard that Kyle was drafted by Charlotte, I was more deflated than elated. But then, I remembered that the Bobbycats are now coached by Mr Hipshaker, Larry Brown.

Because Brown is such a great coach and purist, you all need not worry that Kyle hasn’t signed a contract yet. Since Weaver will make the team and will play right away, Kyle is right to hold out to get some solid dough.

Its going to be fun watching him develop into a pro’s pro.

Meanwhile, as reported by the Sacramento Bee this week, Love-em-and-leave-em Larry actually accepted the Stanford job this past spring only to turn it down two days later for the NBA.

In my view, its really too bad that Larry didn’t join the Trees. I for one would have LOVED to see him and Mike Montgomery square off twice a year in the Bay Area for who has the best fake-bake tan job in the month of February.

Don’t know about you, but I’d take Montgomery and the points anytime, anywhere.

Finally, in recognition of my increasing National and International stature over the past few weeks, I thought it might be prudent for me to share with you some more about myself and my various likings.

With that in mind, I encourage you to partake in my latest project: Brinkhater’s “Book of the Month Club.”

For this month, I suggest a really great book by a NW writer. The title of the book: “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” The narrator of the book is, of all things, a dog.

But what a dog it is!

For all of you men out there looking for another excuse to cry on the toilet, this one is for you.

And yes, even the Mrs. will enjoy this one as well.

All disclaimers aside, you’ll enjoy it.

Have a great weekend.

Brinkhater Diaries: Ducks Suck?

July 12, 2008

Brinkhater Diaries: Vol 1 (5)

Ducks Suck?

It would certainly appear so.

According to the Portland Tribune, freshman Quack wide-out Dion Jordan was recently burned following an attempt to siphon gas out of a car with none other than……..A VACUUM CLEANER?!

Of course, the gas caught on fire following the suction and elecricity and Jordan was burned but not tragically injured, thank god. May seem trivial, but my guess is that we are going to see more similar bizarre and/or illicit stories from the college sports world as gas prices increase, transportation through air and ground become prohibitive and low-income kids get additionally squeezed on college campuses. As I’ve noted before on this blog, the time has come to look at paying student athletes. Does anyone out there really think that Yahoos like Rich Rodriguez should make millions off the backs of low-income kids from Ohio and Michigan? I don’t. Does anyone think that kids are not going to do stupid stuff as they become increasingly isolated from their families because they can’t afford (and schools can’t pay for) trips back home?

Personally, I’d like to see athletes receive additional resources (cash) based on a combination of financial need, class attendance, and grades. In my view, you can add incentive for kids to uphold the Student-Athlete Moniker at the same time that you decrease incentive for similar stupid acts to try to get to the movies…


So, who cares if it’s a Huskers photo, in case you haven’t heard, we’re number one in the BCS rankings! According to LEB sports from the Dallas area, in a ranking of ALL BCS logos, our WSU Cougar emblem ended up being ranked #1 in the country ahead of the likes of Miami, KSU, Penn State, and so forth.

The reason for our ascension to the top of the charts? The inclusion of “W-S-U” into our logo. I for one know the genius of that—it wasn’t until a drunken night at The Coug my junior year that I recognized it:

“Hey fellas, you all ever noticed that there’s a ‘W-S-U’ in that Cougar emblem?”

Finally, a big shout and “Best Person in the World” award for this week to ESPNs Ted Miller.

Not only has he provided the first blog out there that rivals the coverage provided by Sedihawk, but he also is the first major news outlet to provide a link to this very here Blog.

We love you too, Teddy Bear!

So, with that in mind, Ted, I offer you a one-of-a-kind cyber deal. We finish tenth in the PAC as you predicted and I will perform any reasonable act of self-humiliation and/or homage as you desire on this blog or through any feasible media outlet.

However, if we finish seventh or better as I predict, then you come on this Blog for a Brinkhater exclusive.

I’ll look forward to talking with you in December, T-Rex.

For the rest of you, I’ll catch you next week.