Archive for the ‘Bob Condotta’ Category

Harry Potter and the Curse of the Forbidden Scribe

July 27, 2009

Hello Followers. I hope that you all had a fun, fanciful, and spiritual weekend.

Speaking of which, have you all seen the newest and latest Harry Potter movie?

Well, if you’re like the thousands of other followers in that Pu ram of mine, the plot twists of the current film have created much anticipation for what happens in subsequent episodes of what I call the “Hogwart Follies.”

So, in order to appease the faithful (and your many secular and unbridled needs to know what happens next in the series), I conducted a bit of me own research. And here is what I found:

According to the London Tea and Crumpet Dispatch, the final episode of the Potter series is thrilling, shocking and disturbing–all at the same time.

Apparently, following the death of Albus “Troy” Percival Dumbledore, Potter and his cosmic knaves become spiritually lost during their hunt for Voldemort’s sinister seven relics.

Amidst their loss of faith and direction, the evil Lord Voldemort tricks the group into submission, captures a drunken Potter, and then encases him alongside his well-known Slytherin nemesis, Draco Malfoy.

According to the LTCD, the evil dark lord then casts his penultimate spell on both Potter and Malfoy in a manner that combines the two young lads into one singular supervillain WARLORD that eventually rules the free and spirit worlds alike.

The visage and result of that creation:


Bob Condotta.

From being widely known and heralded as the greatest to ever come out of WSU (e.g. the journalistic “chosen one” of Washington State University), Mr. Condotta of the Seattle Times has recently shown once again that he is continuing to fall deeper and deeper into the dark side of the dreaded infidel-Defeateds.

Need evidence? Before the season even begins for the dreaded Defeateds, B.C. has shown his Voldemortean zeal in predicting that the LINE of the Apple Cup will be UW plus 11—six weeks before the season even begins.

Brother Bob, the line isn’t going to be eleven. And, while I truly love and admire you and your work in so many ways, I cannot believe how much you’ve turned (You think the UW will win by more than eleven???????). For that, only one Carma Chameleon for you, my fellow summer wanderer.

May this year find new hope and a renewed sense of Cougar Carma for you, BC.

And to the rest of the true and unbridled faithful, I bid a hearty “Coug-De-L’Amor.”

Osho Rojo

What’s With the Benedict Arnold Stuff?

December 15, 2008

First we had Marvelous Marv Harshman, the long-time hoops coach. Harshman coached WSU from 1958-1971, and then went to UW from 1971-1985. Harshman always gets talked about as a UW coaching legend, but you don’t ever hear a whole lot about his time at WSU. He did his best work at UW and really put their program on the map, so it’s somewhat understandable. I think they were still working on this whole “electricity” thing when Marv was on the WSU sideline, playing games with peach baskets, a stuffed leather ball and under the soft flicker of candlelight.

Then it was “Benedict” Dick Baird, the former WSU team captain who went on to coach for many years at UW. Baird was a pretty good player in his day, an all-coast linebacker his senior year and he blocked a punt in a 9-7 Apple Cup win….when he was eligible. Few know that Baird missed the Apple Cup his junior year due to “too many trips to Idaho” when the drinking age was 18. Baird has fallen so far into the abyss that he sheds tears about the UW football team on the KJR airwaves and gets into spirited arguments with Hugh Millen. Yes, actual tears. But Baird did put in a ton of time at UW as a coach and recruiting coordinator, and WSU is clearly in his rearview mirror. Can’t fault a guy for making a living, can you?

Then we had Bob Condotta of the Times, the former Coug who writes/blogs daily about the UW football and hoops teams for the Seattle Times. We called out Bob earlier this year and he had to address the UW masses on his blog for being a Coug. Oh well. Again, just a guy trying to follow his passion and get paid doing it. Maybe he’ll unseat the Northwest CHAMPION, Vince Grippi, someday??

But now, news breaks that Jim Michalczik and Johnny Nansen will coach at UW? The hits just continue.

Nansen played a little bit for WSU, and has bounced around the coaching ranks since the late-90’s. He’s still a young guy climbing the coaching ladder. I remember him as a hard-hitting linebacker/safety type who was a pretty good player.

But the big name here is Michalczik. This is the same Jim Michalczik who teamed up Paul Wulff, Mike Utley and Chris Dyko on that 1988 Aloha Bowl team, one of the best offensive lines in school history. Jim Michalczik is going to be the new offensive coordinator AT UW!?!?

Michalczik told the Contra Costa Times Sunday night that “professionally, it was an offer I couldn’t turn down.”

I wonder what coach Wulff is thinking right about now? What will Utley think about this?? One can’t imagine they are real happy about this. Here’s a guy they went to battle with up front every week, and now he’s going to wear the purple-n-gold sweatsuit, recruiting against Wulff and WSU. It’s got to hurt a little bit.

That said, Michalczik could make a pretty big impact at UW. Even though Michalczik will be the offensive coordinator, Steve Sarkisian will still call the plays. But Michalczik is regarded as a very good offensive coach in this league. Not so much for his offensive coordinator chops, but as an offensive line coach, Cal has churned out some very good linemen in his tenure. Cal has had six first-team offensive linemen the last six seasons, all under Michalczik. One of the staples of what Cal does is produce outstanding offensive lines, particularly in the running game. Week in and week out they are known for having a strong, tough, physical offensive line. Anyone remember what Cal did to the WSU defense in week two? Yikes.

So, Coug fans, does it bother you to see former Cougs go to UW for employment?

Moving on, there was another “turncoat” this weekend, but of the different variety. Casey Locker, cousin of UW’s Jake Locker, pledged to WSU. Locker is a 5-10, 175 lb safety from Ferndale who was player of the year in their conference. He’s regarded as a two-star recruit who chose WSU over UW and Boise State. Here’s a good link to ESPN, including some video on the kid making some plays. Probably not a top-shelf player, but might be a decent contributor in the secondary and on special teams down the line? Hard to say what he’ll do, but he looks like he could make some sort of an impact.

Big recruiting weekend for the Cougs, but we haven’t seen anything break – yet. Hopefully the frigid temps didn’t scare anyone away, but I guess we’ll see how things shake out over the next few days.

ENJOY YOUR MONDAY, and GO COUGS!

WSU Football Blog Aims to Hit Home Run

October 25, 2008
ELECTION 08 SPECIAL SERIES

WSU FOOTBALL BLOGGERS GET SPECIFIC AS CAMPAIGN HEATS UP


ONALASKA, WA–“Hello, Logger Nation!” exclaimed Brinkhater to a capacity crowd on Day two of the WSU Football Blog’s campaign for College Football Sportswriters of the Year.


“Its good to be back in the place where all things that start off Purple and Gold grow up to see the light of Crimson and Gray! And on a clear day in Onalaska, legend has it that you can actually see Russia!”

According to campaign officials, the purpose of the Blog’s swing through the battleground of Southwestern Washington was for Brinkhater and Sedihawk to present a set of talking points which they hope will lead them victory in November.

With that goal in mind, campaign officials hoped that the two might be able to construct a narrative around the three pillars of their campaign: Experienced Leadership, Trust, and Fiscal Responsibility.

“In this day and age, any Tom, Dick, or Sherry can start a blog” noted Sedihawk, the Blog’s co-founder.

“You know that, I know that, and the American People know that.”

“But I also want you all to know and remember that Brinkhater and I started the WSU Football Blog before those large newspapers even knew what a Blog was. So, I ask you: when times are uncertain as these times are, who can you really trust to advance the cause of Cougar Nation when you need things done right?”

“Also too,” noted Brinkhater as the applause subsided, “You will hear all of the other candidates talk about their records of outstanding journalism and how they are worthy of your trust as such. But I ask you–I beseech you–how many of those other corporate, liberal media types have shown something even more important?”

What I am saying is, how many of them have adequately proven that they actually trust YOU?”


Amidst a chorus of boo birds, Sedihawk noted that other media outlets have made life miserable for those who wish to comment on their Blogs. Among the hassles he noted on opponent’s web-sites were constant mandates to disclose e-mail addresses, names, addresses and zip codes, phone numbers, and dates of birth.

“The only thing they don’t ask for is your Social Security number,” Sedihawk lamented to the crowd.

“But we at the WSU Football Blog have never done that!” Brinkhater interjected to thunderous applause.

“And we never will!”

“You have our word on that,” the two exclaimed in chorus. “And that is why we are running for College Sportswriters of the Year!”

While the two were supposed to include additional discussion of their record of Fiscal Responsibility, they apparently forgot to do so. And, instead, quickly dove into the crowd.


In other developments at the event, the WSU Football Blog also announced that fellow blogger Longball was appointed Chair, Adviser, and Manager of the campaign.


In the first definitive act in his new role, Mr. Longball addressed reporters after the event.

“These guys are really something. You know, at first, I was just a lonely guy who posted on the Blog every once in a while. But then one day, they asked me to join the team. Next thing I know, I have a new job and I’m getting regular offers from Fortune 500 companies just about every week.”

“So, the message we’re trying to put out there is that these guys are more than just outstanding sportswriters, they’ve also got a proven record of creating jobs.”

“So it’s my role in the campaign to make sure that America sees that.”

But sources close to the campaign suggest that doing so will be no easy task.

In only two short days, the trio has completely exhausted its limited budget and is struggling to find sources to supplement their weak cash reserves.

“The fact that Brinkhater still lives with his parents helps” a source close to the campaign noted, “but look what they’re up against: three multi-million dollar corporations. And their name recognition is barely polling in the double digits.”

Over the coming days, the trio plans to make their way up the I-5 corridor en route to traversing towns around the Olympic Peninsula including Hoquiam, Chehalis, Sheldon, Sequim, Quilcene, and Neah Bay.

“We will not stop until the entire state has heard our message.” Sedihawk promised.

But there’s only one week left. Stay tuned.

Breaking News: WSU Football Blog Enters Highly Contested Race

October 24, 2008


WASHTUCNA, WA – Professional sports writers beware. On Thursday, on a glorious fall evening in the greater Washtucna area, WSU Football Bloggers “Brinkhater” and “Sedihawk” officially announced their joint candidacy to be crowned top Washington State College Football Writers for 2008.

The two join an already talented pool of candidates that include the twin bills of Jim Moore and Molly Yanity of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Bob Condotta and Bud Withers of the Seattle Times, as well as the Vincent Grippi-John Blanchette conglomerate of Spokane’s Spokesman Review.

While the two announced that more specific details of their candidacies would be announced in the coming days, Brinkhater used the initial press conference to go on the offensive. Vincent Grippi, the top scribe of WSU Athletics of the Spokesman Review, was Brinkhater’s primary target.

“For too long now, WSU Nation has suffered the wrath of the stodgy, outdated ideas and journalistic methods of Vincent Grippi and his other colleagues from the State’s major newspapers. So, after careful consideration and with the full blessing of our families and spiritual advisers, we are here to declare our intention to run for–and win–the state’s top award for College Football Sportswriters.”

Pundits were shocked by the announcement. Nobody knew that the award existed, that it was up for grabs, or that there would be any type of public election. But citing a need for change, Brinkhater’s declaration “should serve as a warning for all mainstream media types that everything is on the table. And to my fans all over the globe, please be assured that help is on the way.”

Meanwhile, reaction began pouring in from all over Cougar Nation. “I had no idea you could even do something like this”, said Bud Nameck, WSU football sideline reporter. “But having said that, I can’t disagree with any of it. Brinkhater and Sedihawk really are a breath of fresh air. Each week I let them into my home with their columns and predictions, filling the deep void left by the lack of mainstream media’s ability to inform and entertain. I mean, I can read notebooks or get links to other stories about WSU pretty much anywhere. But I think that perhaps some of the old acts have grown tiresome. In these troubling times, we really need a change.”

When reached at his palatial Tacoma estate last night, longtime WSU football announcer Bob Robertson said “I don’t know who Brinkhater is, and quite frankly, I don’t care for blogs, message boards or the Internet in general. But where Vince Grippi of the Spokesman is concerned, well, he has a long history of being an honest beat reporter who gets the facts straight. OK, so he blogs about his family outings with his Dad when the Cougs travel to UCLA and muses about problems at his apartment in Pullman during home games. But who doesn’t want to read about that?”

When asked if his statement reflected his infamous dark sarcasm, Robertson quickly stammered into a play-by-play call of a three-yard gain by former WSU running back Frank “Magic” Madu, “weaving his way up the middle and lunging out to the 42-yard line!” When asked what he meant by the description of the Madu carry, Robertson replied “Who? What now?” before abrupty ending the call with his trademark “always be a good sport, be a good sport always” catch phrase.

In a prepared statement, WSU Football Blog contributors “Longball” and “Hooty McBoob” roundly endorsed Brinkhater and Sedihawk for the honor.

“Brinkhater has been an outstanding blogger on the WSU landscape for many wonderful years. And his record speaks for itself” said Longball. “We would be thrilled to see him and Sedihawk assume the top spot in WSU Nation.”

Said McBoob: “Who else on the planet has been able to acquire an amazing 46-2 record picking WSU Football and Basketball games? Even though I hate the sport of basketball, I cannot deny Brinkhater’s greatness. And Hawk, wow. Have you seen the stuff he’s done this year? And in our worst year EVER? The daily content is better than ever! And as Brinkhater himself has said, this is a time for change. “

Throughout the press conference, Brinkhater continued to fire shots across the bow of the Grippi campaign, calling the self-described aging and balding former athlete “out of touch with his audience.” Brinkhater then touted his own 46-2 record picking Cougar football and hoops games over the past two years. “I simply ask you all to look at the record, and compare it to Grippi’s. I think that when people open their minds and review our respective accomplishments, the WSU Football Blog will become the people’s obvious choice.”


The Grippi-Blanchette campaign had no immediate reaction, perhaps because there isn’t a true Grippi-Blanchette campaign. Vince Grippi appeared, like many others, to be completely unaware that there was such an award or that there would be an election.

When reached at his home late last night, after several moments of stunned silence, Grippi tabbed the situation as “outrageous” and refused to comment further pending a morning meeting with his Spokesman advisers.

Election Day is Tuesday, November 4th. Polls open for early voting starting the morning of Friday, October 31, 2008. Every vote counts.

’til then….stay Tuned.