History of ME

Hello Followers. I hope that you are having a very, very pleasant week.

Well, at the behest of you, the faithful, I thought it timely to give you all a brief synopsis of the Sutra-Biography.

Contrary to common reports that you might find on the various “internets,” not to mention other cosmic channels, my claim to cosmo-spiritual fame did not start in India. Instead, it ORIGINATED from my direct, non-vicarious experience as an international exchange student at Washington State University in the early 1980’s.

While my time in Pullman was quite fruitful in many ways, it also ended painfully for me in 1981 when I made my first fateful prediction on campus radio that the Cougars would lose the 1981 Apple Cup to the impure and untrue infidels at the University of Washington.

As a result of my fateful, distasteful, but nonetheless true prediction, I was subsequently banished from WSU and my beloved Phi Delta Theta fraternity to the State of Oregon for the next five years of my life.

(Trust me followers, you have no idea the pain of having to build your Puram in Oregon–oh the shame!).

In spite of my painful removal from the University and state that I love, I did not go quietly into the Cougar wilderness. Instead, through rigorous meditation and dancing techniques (You can check my moves out here), as well as some very creative salmonella poisoning techniques, I was able to get the Apple Cup for the following year moved from Spokane to Pullman for the first time in over a decade. And as we all know, the “Revenge in Red” game was the first step for me en route to a life of stardom, fame, fortune, and prosperity.

Here is a picture of me in my commune (we call it “the Pu ram”) after we ran out the clock on those pitiful Infidels in a 24-20 thriller in 82.


In the following months, I used my soothsayer, sports meditation abilities to successfully predict the outcomes of major sporting events throughout the world. This incredible five year winning streak included winning an additional 14 million dollars by correctly predicting another Cougar upset of the infidels in the 1983 Apple Cup. As a result of this Zen-prognosticalicaliphobic genius, I purchased cars, enjoyed the spoils and pleasantries of many women, and co-produced a made for TV movie biography of my own life that starred none other than my good friend Cheech Marin in the title role of me. Can you believe the likeness?

Once I became an international superstar and hero, I found it necessary in the subsequent years to retreat into relative obscurity by faking my own death. But before I doth feigned my own demise, I changed and then patented my own name and identity to “Osho.”

In case you don’t know, there are a variety of different definitions for “Osho.” One of them refers to Oceanic Purity. The other refers to Zen Mastery. But for me, the name has always been linked to Cougar Crimson.

And within, the official name on the still disputed United States patent is NOT “Osho” as widely reported. Instead, the name that I filed to be patented with the Federal Government of the United States of America and Bermuda is none other than: OSHO ROJO….

Have you all seen Mr. Nick “Don’t Call Me Tom” Daschel’s recent top 30 Pac-10 coaches of All-Time list? Sure seems to me that Tricky Nicky has spent way too much time away from the Pu ram. Among the questionable decisions made by Daschel was the decision to rate Mike Price number 17 on the list behind the likes of good, but hardly legendary, coaches like Dick Tomey, the late Bruce Snyder, John Cooper, and Jim Owens.

At the crux of Daschel’s decision to leave Price out of the top 10 was his overall record. But, I ask you, looking back at the “glory” days: How can you keep a guy who won TWO Pac-10 championships at a school that hadn’t been to a Rose Bowl since the 1930’s; who guided his team directly to two consecutive top 10 finishes and was indirectly responsible for a third; and whose program has gone DIRECTLY into the tank since his departure out of the Top 10? Moreover, how does Belotti’s ONE conference title and a slew of “7-1 starts to 7-6 finishes” qualify him for top 10 greatness over Price? And how about Erickson at number 9 with ONE good season with the Cougs (only the Aloha Bowl, remember) and a coat-tail job of Riley’s recruits in 2000 merit his inclusion in the Top 10 of ALL TIME?

If it’s up to Osho Rojo, slide Mike Riley up to the 7th spot, Price to numero OCHO, and move the rest of the fake pedal pushers back where they belong. Nick Daschel, I love your work, brother, but for your Top 30, I give you one measly (but nonetheless powerful) Carma Chameleon…..

How about our good friend, southpaw, and fellow-old-feathery-fart Jamie Moyer?

For those of you who missed it, Moyer threw a one hitter last week at the ripe old age of 146. The key to Moyer’s success?: a dazzling repertoire of 68mph change ups, 70mph curveballs, and that killer 81mph heater of his. (Did someone say, four Carma Chameleons for Moyer? I do.)

For the OR, Moyer epitomizes everything that is great about sports, and more importantly, everything that is great about being a Cougar. As Moyer shows, at all level of sports, you can be under-talented, under-sized, and underwhelming, but still be skilled and savvy enough to be successful on any given day and any given season. Hopefully, our Cougars will show more talent, moxie, and scheme this year than in years past.

More to the point: As you all know, the hallmark of all great Cougar teams is the ability to consistently overachieve (see Bennett ball teams for exhibit C-C). That said, I encourage you all to join me in a heartfelt Gayatri Mantra that we will soon stop our troubling tendency to overachieve on the injury front at the start of training camp each year.

With that in mind, may we all have peace in body and spirit as this important fortnight cometh for the Crimson Company. Until next time, I bid you all a pleasant “Coug-De-L’Amor.”

-Osho

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10 Responses to “History of ME”

  1. Chris '04 Says:

    I met Moyer when I worked at the Sea-Tac airport in '05. My boss walks up to me out of the blue and asks, "do you like baseball?" I said, "Like it? I LOVE it!". So he gestures to follow him outside and sure as hell Jamie Moyer is standing there with a bunch of lawyer-types. My boss says, "Hey Jamie, this is Chris and he's a huge fan of yours" so he immediately stops talking to his lawyer buddy and shakes my hand. Dude was super nice, he talked to me like he had known me forever. That lasted about 5 minutes before we ran out of crap to say. We parted ways but I'll never forget his down to Earth demeanor and willingness to talk to a complete stranger.

    Oh, I also met Rien Long at Sea-Tac while he was playing for the Titans. Super nice guy. I got an autograph from him, but I have no idea where it is now.

  2. Longball Says:

    I automatically love any player who still rocks the stirrups.

  3. Portland Coug Says:

    Funny piece, strange but true. I remember this guy from when I lived in Tigard. Go tigers!

    Some reading this won't get it but I think it is funny. And even if you do strike out at least you go down swinging instead of taking strike 3 with your bat on your shoulder.

  4. The Coug-A-Sutra Says:

    Thank you, PC.

    Longball, I too like to rock the stirrups. In fact, I forecast that stirrups and Jim Fix -style running shorts will be the new fad for middle aged lawnmowers by the year 2015.

    Bank on it.

  5. WSU91 Says:

    Antelope isn't too far away from me, are you coming back to visit someday, or takeover again?

  6. The Coug-A-Sutra Says:

    WSU91:

    While I enjoyed the pleasantries of Antelope very much, I am planning on reinstating a much better Pu ram in the coming months in my future home of Jackelope.

    That said, I am quite ready to be at your house for dinner around 5:00, if that is pleasant for you and company (there will be about 150 of us, plus animals).

    Please send your notice.

  7. WSU91 Says:

    Aarrghhh!!! I'm reminded of that Iron Maiden song from the '80s – "Run to the Hills"

  8. The Coug-A-Sutra Says:

    You and "Eddie" both.

  9. '03CouveCoug Says:

    When I managed the Starbucks in Magnolia Village a few years back, Jamie Moyer and his wife were both regulars and two of the friendliest and most grounded people you’d ever hope to meet (as were fellow Cougs and regulars to my store Eric Johnson, KOMO Sports and none other than The Throwin’ Samoan himself…I STILL think it’s cool that Jack Thompson knew my name!) Moyer always got a grande caramel macchiato, if you’re interested.

    I always thought it was amazing how approachable and accommodating Moyer was to fans that would engage him. He was just a regular guy that liked stopping for coffee on his way to work every day and saying hi to his neighbors. His Father-in-Law Digger Phelps is a real nice guy, too. I had the chance to chat with Digger when he stopped in and he predicted Coach Tony’s success two years before it happened! The guy knows his stuff! Thanks for highlighting one of the true gentlemen of sports, “Osho” I wish there were more in the pros like Moyer.

    Lastly, the back-story on Osho is hysterical! I can’t believe the salmonella attack actually took place! Only in Oregon…

  10. Sean Hawkins Says:

    Not sure what to make of Price's ranking. While he took us to the highest of high's, and has to get a ton of credit for the '03 team as well, still, the overall record is the anchor on his ranking. There were some seriously poop island seasons after the '98 Rose Bowl, and you have to take the good with the bad in the overall rankings. Did he get more out of less compared to his PAC-10 counterparts? Absolutely. There is very little more he could have done, given the resources available compared to the superpowers. And he took us to five bowls in 13 seasons, which is around the same amount of bowls we had been to in the entire history of the program before he showed up. AND even though he lost both Rose Bowls, he still had a winning record in bowl games he coached, always a good measuring stick on how a coach does when he has time to prepare and a healthy, rested team. And, of course, he created the '03 team, which won the Holiday bowl.

    Erickson is WAY overrated though. He just doesn't have the actual PAC-10 track record, really, to place that high? He's a great NCAA coach though, just not that special in the years in the PAC-10. The year they beat Notre Dame in the Fiesta bowl was amazing, but that's the only BCS bowl he made it to in his PAC-10 days. It doesn't really matter though, just one guy's opinion of who were the best coaches.

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